The epicentre of both joy and sorrow

The snowdrops on the day of my departure

I guess there is hope for a spring

Saying goodbye to my mother is just the most heart-breaking thing. I see the sorrow in her eyes of loosing her daughter yet another number of months. We have always been extremely close and always met frequently, so this is a new situation for us. Then I arrived to the airport where I now sit and write this blog post and I feel so strongly how a place like this simultaneously contains two extremes of emotions. Last month I arrived in Sweden and meeting my parents then after six months a part was so lovely. Now I leave them with tears falling. Leaving Yoram was also tearful, one month ago, but now it is his turn to feel the joy. And mine, because a trip like this starts in sorrow and ends in joy. Will I ever get used to this?

The "Shihan party"

I am so happy that I joined the party for Stefan yesterday. It exceeded my expectations and we had so much fun. We got to see a fire performance outside and then Anders Ljungar-Chapelon played two marvellous pieces by André Jolivet. We also enjoyed a variety of excellent foods brought by everybody and the meal was devoured accompanied by one of Stefans absolute favourite musicians, Joakim Thåström, on a very high volume. Several persons gave emotional speeches and we all felt a strong connection to each other. We then had a music quiz which was anything but serious and after that we started the karaoke machine. What happened in that room will stay in that room, but I can say that boundaries where broken and timidity was eliminated. When we had emptied the karaoke repertoire we continued in a cappella, singing things like Thåström, Lou Reed and dirty old English lyrics. Time flew and me who planned to just stop by for a few hours suddenly discovered that it was one a clock in the morning and we had laughed and loved for 7 hours. I was filled with joy and energy when I went home for my last nights sleep in Sweden.

Stefan is my first aikido teacher and we have been through both ups and downs in our long relationship, strong-minded as we both are, but my respect for him is enormous, not only as an aikido teacher but also as a friend and fellow thinker. Many are the long discussions we have shared over a dinner after practice and that is one of the things I also miss when I am no longer in Malmö. His role as my aikido teacher is also very much fundamental for who I am when I step in to a dojo today. His approach to his students is very unique, shared with merely a few other teachers. Being his student means enjoying a committed personal guidance, getting constant feedback and support that helps you shaping your aikido in the most fruitful way. No matter where in the world I am, or which other teachers I might train with, Stefan will always be my Shihan and a big part of me will always belong with him and the rest of the beautiful people in his dojo.

Effective aikido session

Today was unfortunately the only aikido practice with Stefan Stenudd that I succeeded to squeeze in to my tight Malmö schedule. When I go to Stockholm I basically have aikido there and nothing else, while in Malmö I have a whole other realm of friends and family and also paper work to tend to. Anyhow, my first aikido teacher and dear newly-appointed Shihan sucked the most out of it and used me as uke for the whole 90 minutes class. A true honour and loads of fun.

Tonight there is a party in Stefans honour to celebrate his title and at first I had decided that my last evening in Sweden had to be dedicated to my parents, but they did not want to hear anything of it, and since we had a very early meal consisting of madly amounts of sushi, I am soon off to join the Shihan party for a few hours after all. I hope that the Shihan does not reach to read my blog before that... ;)

I want to go home now...

This is my last week in Sweden and also the most intense period when it comes to squeezing in short meetings with friends in between all bureaucratic things I need to get done. Not that I don't want to reach to see my friends, but the stress is sometimes so heavy on me that I consider just hiding in some corner somewhere until my flight leaves on Sunday. Normal? I think yes, but nevertheless slightly irritating. When I am seeing someone I enjoy it, but the time in between and the planning of it all kills me. I wish I could just enjoy it fully instead. Maybe the fact that I feel that I have had enough of winter climate also affect my mood? Time to go home. Five more days...

I reached to meet the spring

Snowdrops (Galanthus nivalis)

In Malmö I have my closest friends and my parents and I feel very strongly for Malmö in so many ways. Nevertheless, I am so happy that I left before it consumed me completely. I did not have a future in Malmö, but I could have easily got stuck here. Yesterday, as I walked through the city in 2 degrees above zero and dirty piles of melting snow everywhere I suddenly saw all the negative aspects that I don't miss and I felt a strong sensation of relief over the fact that I don't belong here anymore.

I spent the evening with my beloved friends and it was a wonderful meeting filled with laughter and love. I recommend a few months abroad for anyone who wants to do a spring-cleaning in the friend registry. During my time abroad some persons have disappeared, while others suddenly turned out to show more honest interest, not always as expected, but very refreshing. True friends will always be there and they are not connected to a place or a time.

This morning the first signs of spring had appeared from under the melting snow and suddenly some of the Malmö melancholy evaporated and I remembered how wonderful it can be here during more comfortable seasons. However, Malmö just happened to be the stage on where my previous life was played and nowadays I walk the streets as a guest.

Winter Aconite (Eranthis hyemalis)

From Poshholm to Ramalmö

Time to leave the Swedish capital for this time. After 11 days of intense aikido practice, several times each day, I now feel stuffed to the brim, and I think that both body and mind will do good with some rest. Things need to digest and the sabra aikidokas will have plenty of fruitful things to ingest when I will be back.

I will take the night bus to Malmö, which is pretty convenient with free Wi-Fi and stuff, so I guess that I will be a bit busy with that until it is time for some hours sleep, tucked in with my big winter jacket.

In Stockholm Jewish people are still pretty safe, but in Malmö even the mayor has taken his protective hand away nowadays, alas, returning to Malmö means removing any item that shows some bond to Judaism or Israel unless you are up for a discussion about it. It happens to me all the time in Malmö, with all kinds of acquaintances, and I think that it is a tragedy and quite pathetic that so many people have become to duped by the subliminal anti-Semitic messages in media and the cultural life in general. Anyway, I found a cute pin with a Swedish flag crossed with an Israeli one, so I got one for myself and one for Yoram. I think I will keep it on my bag in Malmö just to defy! Why subdue to such low standards?

Had enough of winter now

Helgeandsholmen seen from Riksbron

I have not yet digested the Endo seminar enough to give a deeper review, and maybe that will have to wait for a while. Anyway, it is over and we now do some nice practices with Jorma every day to "reset" the aiki. A large seminar is always fun, but the day-to-day practice with Jorma is always what makes the greatest impact on me. Maybe simply because it is more personal. All in all, I am stuffed with useful things to bring home to the dojo in Israel and I hope that I will be able to inspire my friends there.

The temperature is constantly several degrees below zero here and I am walking around admiring all the frost on the trees, but to be honest I feel pretty satisfied with winter now, after two weeks. I guess I will just have to bare with another two weeks of heavy layers of clothes and static hair under the toque, before I return to the "Swedish summer" home in the Israeli winter. Today I also did my customary raid in the souvenir shops from Drottninggatan and down to Gamla Stan and I came home with two bags of blue-and-yellow things for me and my beloved Israeli Sweden-supporters. Expatriates are clearly nuts.

Crazy expatriates' paradise

Quick notice from the aiki dimension

We did not do one kata form during the whole seminar. Only aiki and contact exercises and free waza. Endo Sensei was in a very good mood in spite that he needed a root canal on the first day of the seminar. This kind of practice is what makes the aikidokas soft, aware and sensible. If you only teach techniques, there will always be stiff people on the mat. More about that later. Tonight the open weekend seminar starts and tomorrow we will see some nice dan gradings. Now I need a short afternoon nap. I could easily get used to living this life; aikido, coffee, food, sleep, coffee, aikido, beer, sleep, aikido, food, coffee, aikido, sleep, coffee, aikido... All impregnated with great joy and loads of love...

Endo Sensei in Stockholm

Endo Sensei seminar in Stockholm has started and it feels great to be back in the epicentre, with all my dear aikido friends from all over the world. I have not seen them since in July. Three days of Yudansha seminar, and then an open weekend seminar. I will be caught up in aiki heaven during these days, therefore not much blogging. There will probably be a review after...

Winter wonderland for real...

Snow, sun, 15 below zero...

Outside my grandmothers house,

with Sankta Gertrud's church in the background

I am in Västervik now, visiting my grandmother and some other relatives. If there was a lot of snow in Malmö, then this is winter wonderland. I feel blessed to come home to a winter like this. The Swedish winter is normally as unreliable as the Swedish summer. You might get the real thing, but you might as well get grey nothingness. I honestly don't think that I have seen this much snow since I was a child. I have not made snow angels yet, but tomorrow I will put some ski pants on and go out and play in the snow! Pictures will come.

Israelis possibly experience snow if they spend army time in the Golan Heights. That's basically it, or if they go abroad of course. I hope to bring both my man and the boys to a Swedish winter like this at some point, because there is nothing like it.

My parents walking to the car,

passing the huge snow piles

Winter wonderland

My flight went smoothly. Also security. Yoram always follows me through the first security check to alleviate the interrogation. "How long have you known each other?" "Do you know anyone that your boyfriend does not know?" How do you answer that? "No, he did not let me leave the house alone for 8 months." or "Yeah, I know a bunch of Palestinians on the West Bank." I guess that they would prefer to hear the former, while the latter is more close to the truth. "Did you pack your luggage yourself?" "Did anyone ask you to bring a package on their account?" "Yeah, there was this Arab guy I met..." Duh...

In Malmö the snow keeps on falling and I feel blessed to come home to a real winter. I had to scrape the windows on the car and I skidded around on the streets. Other than that things are the same. I drank my coffee at Kaffebar and the owner Samir was so happy to see me that he almost cried. I had brought him a nice Misbaha (Islamic prayer beads) made of volcanic stone that I bought in Daliyat al-Karmel. It will be a lot of hanging at Kaffebar during my time in Malmö.

I was about to go to aikido with Stefan Stenudd tonight but it is snowing so hard that I cannot even see my car anymore, so the Shihan will have to wait for my attendance until after my visit further up North.