Can you buy happiness?

Money, money, money...

Most commonly people in the Western world start their lives out poor and end up richer and richer for as long as they live. That is the general definition of a successful life. Others do it the other way around, or rather go in cycles or waves throughout their lives. I belong to the latter part. The the most prosperous period of my life so far was when I was between 23 and 30. I had a graphic design job where I made good money, but it did not make me happy. Breaking up from that was probably the bravest thing I had done so far because it set the standard for what I have dared to do later on in life.

I left my well-paid job and went to work with horses in Germany for food, shelter and some pocket money. The months I spent there gave me time to analyze my situation and crystalize what I really wanted to do with my life and that thought process brought me home and to the university. There I spent 6 years on student money, but I was still pretty well off since I also earned some money from study-related employments at the university.

Then the next brave decision appeared before me. I met this charming Israeli guy who made me pack up and leave everything I knew and move to Israel merely 10 days after I defended my MSc thesis. I had an open road before me to do research at home but I chose to leave and lay my trust into that this new life eventually would open new opportunities of the same kind.

The first years here I did not make any money at all. My new love was generous enough to care for the both of us, but also when I did start to earn some money by doing graphic design, it never came to more than pocket money. Nevertheless, my attitude made something grow in my man as well, and soon he also took the leap and left a well-paid job that had made him unhappy. Since then we have struggled and turned the coins, but never have I doubted our decisions and intentions to find true happiness in our lives.

Then almost a year ago my dream job finally surfaced. I never doubted that it would, but sometimes I doubted my own ability to return to science, but luckily it turned out that I was wrong. I have a great position, with inspiring assignments and future prospects, and a warm and lovable group of colleagues. I don't make a lot of money, yet, but definitely better than before and it will only get better. Same goes for my husband.

So where am I going with this rant? I have been thinking a lot lately about what we appreciate in life and what really makes us happy, and I can say that years of hardship teaches you to cherish the small things and not take anything for granted. I know that it sounds like a cliché, but I can promise you that these thoughts don't come from a desire to try to hide enviousness.

I haven't had a smartphone for about a year, since I quit a design job that I had. This really is a first world problem, but I have honestly enjoyed the time, simply because it gave me a break from the constant pressure of participating in social forums. The computer has been enough, that's for sure! Now we decided that we had money enough to buy me an iPhone and tonight I am going to get it, and the anticipation and long time when I haven't really spent anything on myself makes me really excited and happy about this gift.

I haven't bought much clothes for myself during the last few years either. Now I have found an excellent second-hand shop here in Tivon, so all of a sudden I could make a substantial addition to my wardrobe for not a lot of money at all. Second-hand is another subject that I could spend a whole blog post on all by itself, but shortly I really think that all kinds of thrift and consignment concepts are an amazing alternative to constantly buying new things.

Now we are reaching the subject of consumerism. I am not against consuming, but I haven't consumed much during the last few years and it has made me more aware of how and what I am consuming, and also more appreciative of what I have been able to consume.

Often when I see people that are driven by consumerism it is sadly enough accompanied by chronic unfulfillment and shallow happiness. I don't say that all rich people are unappreciative of what they can buy, but money can certainly not disguise unhappiness.

Our family is struggling and sometimes our worry about our economy affects our relationship, but on the other hand it brings us closer together as well because we are on this ship together and only together can we make things change for the better. Love is what matters and I only hope that if I ever get rich I will still keep the same values and appreciate the small things in life. If not, please remind me of this blog post.

Mummy's little helper

There has not been a lot of action here since Eden was born, and I would like to think that this is a good thing, because it hopefully means that I am spending most of my days parenting. However, occasionally I am reflecting over something that is too complex to make a quick Facebook post out of, and then I guess I have to dust off the blog. It should not come as a surprise, but it is about parenting.

Eden is crazy about sweeping the floor. With a regular broom, or a water scraper, the tool is irrelevant, but he finds them wherever we go, grocery stores, cafés, the synagogue (Ziv's bar mitzvah), restaurants, neighbors front yards, you name it, and he gets furious unless he gets to use it! The vacuum cleaner is also famous for being the only thing that can bring Eden out of his occasional infamous afternoon rages.

When I mention this to people, or they see Eden in action, they usually chuckle and say that it will not last. Then I am thinking to myself if they ever questioned why it doesn't last? Usually me and Eden we sweep the floors together at home, but if I ever try to rush it, by either correcting his method too much or excluding him altogether, I notice this totally confused disappointment on his face, and it makes me start thinking. I believe that children are natural-born learners, with an innate desire to be social and because of that they imitate our chores and other activities to learn our skills. Traditionally, it has been normal that children take part in house chores, each and one according to their own capability, and this is still the case in most native societies. Therefore I see it as pretty denigrating to refer to this desire to help out as "childish play". As a matter of fact, children learn new skills through play, and this drive is just as dead serious as a kitten playing with a toy mouse.

In the Western world we do not have time to "play around" with the house chores since our days are packed with work, school, sports and other scheduled activities. This comes with a price, and what we sacrifice is our kids enthusiasm to take part in the daily chores. Imagine yourself if you offer to help someone and you are met with a frustrated attitude that only criticizes what you do, if they will at all let you even try. Not only will this make you feel incapable, but it will also give you the feeling that house chores are only a burden that you cannot possibly enjoy. Now imagine this child growing up into a teenager who all of a sudden is expected to help out around the house. Not very coherent expectations!

I am not going to say that Eden will grow up loving to do house chores, probably not, because although that I try hard to always be patient enough to include him, I know that many times I cannot help myself but rushing things. At least I think that it is important and positively challenging to try to be more in the moment with your child and find the joy in doing things together, although it will take more time and not turn out perfect. Seeing the satisfaction in the eyes of your child is worth so much more, so let go of the need for control and do not look at the watch for a while.

As an anecdote I can say that today Eden wanted to help me hang the wet laundry outside in our backyard. The ground is bare dirt, so if anything falls, it will inevitably get dirty. He took one item at a time and I helped him to reach up on the hanger, and the most funny thing was that he started to shake the clothes like he has seen me do, before he hung them up. A few things ended up in the machine again, but who cares. Everyone was happy and with a feeling of accomplishment and good self-esteem. What more could we ask for? For me, this is a radical transformation from being pretty much anal retentive with many things. I can only thank my wonderful son for that. He is the best teacher I could get!

Child abuse is obviously acceptable according to Facebook Community Standards!

On Facebook there is a video depicting a woman physically abusing a baby, hitting him hard with a pillow as well as her hands. She is pinching him hard, slapping his face and shoving him around roughly, while he is screaming for mercy.

Here is a direct link to the video, but I want to warn you that the content is utterly disturbing.

We are several people who have reported this video as graphic violence, but got the answer that it is not violating the Facebook Community Standards. I got an answer in English, while a friend of mine got hers in German. Every day Facebook's policy police is blocking breastfeeding pictures and educational material like illustrations of vaginas, while women-degrading and sexually explicit material is left untouched.

If this is not graphic violence, I don't know what is! Do they need blood? Death?! The video makes you sick to the stomach and I would personally want someone to trace this poor child and remove him from his inadequate caregiver.

The answer I got from Facebook on my report.

I posted this report on my wall (public post): It includes the screenshot of the answer I got from Facebook and comments from people who have seen it. There is also another link to the video in the commentary.

I have contacted several media sources in order to ask them to draw attention to this issue.

My 5th Shavuot

I just went to my 5th Shavuot dinner at my mother-in-law's. On the 26th of May I have been here for four years. It means that I am going in on my fifth year in Israel! Where did time fly?

On the holiday of Shavuot Jews eat only lost of different dishes with dairy, like milk and cheeses. Actually it is the Jewish holiday that I appreciate the most, culinarily, since me and my mother-in-law don't agree much on how meet is supposed to be cooked, or destroyed beyond recognition. Say no more...

Competition in cyber space...

I am blaming Facebook for the lack of life on this blog. It is so easy to post things over there and most of my friends are there as well, so the blog became kind of superfluous. However, I cannot leave my witty brand name, so I will try to pick up the pace again.

This is Eden. Or Mr Egler as he calls himself! He was born at home, breech presentation, and it was the most amazing and empowering experience! He is almost 14 months old now, and another reason why I don't have peace to write creative blog posts.

I am finally back to science! I work part-time as a lab manager in a plant genomics lab at the University of Haifa. Our group deals with plant genomics; genomics of plant disease resistance; characterization, utilization and conservation of wild cereals. In half a year or so, I will go up to full time to pursue my PhD.

That is enough recap. Laila tov!