Mummy's little helper

There has not been a lot of action here since Eden was born, and I would like to think that this is a good thing, because it hopefully means that I am spending most of my days parenting. However, occasionally I am reflecting over something that is too complex to make a quick Facebook post out of, and then I guess I have to dust off the blog. It should not come as a surprise, but it is about parenting.

Eden is crazy about sweeping the floor. With a regular broom, or a water scraper, the tool is irrelevant, but he finds them wherever we go, grocery stores, cafés, the synagogue (Ziv's bar mitzvah), restaurants, neighbors front yards, you name it, and he gets furious unless he gets to use it! The vacuum cleaner is also famous for being the only thing that can bring Eden out of his occasional infamous afternoon rages.

When I mention this to people, or they see Eden in action, they usually chuckle and say that it will not last. Then I am thinking to myself if they ever questioned why it doesn't last? Usually me and Eden we sweep the floors together at home, but if I ever try to rush it, by either correcting his method too much or excluding him altogether, I notice this totally confused disappointment on his face, and it makes me start thinking. I believe that children are natural-born learners, with an innate desire to be social and because of that they imitate our chores and other activities to learn our skills. Traditionally, it has been normal that children take part in house chores, each and one according to their own capability, and this is still the case in most native societies. Therefore I see it as pretty denigrating to refer to this desire to help out as "childish play". As a matter of fact, children learn new skills through play, and this drive is just as dead serious as a kitten playing with a toy mouse.

In the Western world we do not have time to "play around" with the house chores since our days are packed with work, school, sports and other scheduled activities. This comes with a price, and what we sacrifice is our kids enthusiasm to take part in the daily chores. Imagine yourself if you offer to help someone and you are met with a frustrated attitude that only criticizes what you do, if they will at all let you even try. Not only will this make you feel incapable, but it will also give you the feeling that house chores are only a burden that you cannot possibly enjoy. Now imagine this child growing up into a teenager who all of a sudden is expected to help out around the house. Not very coherent expectations!

I am not going to say that Eden will grow up loving to do house chores, probably not, because although that I try hard to always be patient enough to include him, I know that many times I cannot help myself but rushing things. At least I think that it is important and positively challenging to try to be more in the moment with your child and find the joy in doing things together, although it will take more time and not turn out perfect. Seeing the satisfaction in the eyes of your child is worth so much more, so let go of the need for control and do not look at the watch for a while.

As an anecdote I can say that today Eden wanted to help me hang the wet laundry outside in our backyard. The ground is bare dirt, so if anything falls, it will inevitably get dirty. He took one item at a time and I helped him to reach up on the hanger, and the most funny thing was that he started to shake the clothes like he has seen me do, before he hung them up. A few things ended up in the machine again, but who cares. Everyone was happy and with a feeling of accomplishment and good self-esteem. What more could we ask for? For me, this is a radical transformation from being pretty much anal retentive with many things. I can only thank my wonderful son for that. He is the best teacher I could get!