Allowing the child to grow his autonomy

I remember clearly the first time I, as a very young child, succeeded to clear myself from a temper tantrum without any assistance from any adult. It was an extremely empowering experience that filled me with self-confidence and an inner calm. I also remember how proud I felt as I came out from my room to my parents, who immediately embraced me with their encouraging love. Had they tried to comfort or bribe me out of the previous dramatic state of mind, I would have continued to use strong emotions as a weapon to get my way with things, and I had neither ever learned to take control over my own emotions.

Parents who constantly try to pave the easiest way for their kids, most often out of pure selfish reasons, don't realise how this will affect the development of the identity and autonomy of the child. No parent is perfect, neither was mine. I had a period where I refused to eat anything but pancakes with sugar on, until my grandmother got her hands on me and forced me to eat normal food. However, and more importantly, my parents allowed me to make my own experiences, as well as mistakes, while they always stayed in the background, of course prepared to be there for me in case I would ever need a safe place to fall back on. They never doubted that I could manage things and they always trusted me, and knowing that I also could trust them, I was free to discover the world - both the outer world and my inner emotional world.

The other day 5-years old Gal overpowered a temper tantrum independently for the first time. Both his parents always bend over backwards to keep him happy, comforting, bribing and pampering, and this has created a manipulative little monster who knows exactly how to use his resources. However, in this house things have started to change, and if the boy is furious over something and screaming his head off, I am encouraging his father to be strong and patient. Yesterday we all succeeded to cross the finish-line in a joint effort. Gal was laying on his bed, screaming mean things to us, and hitting and kicking his pillow over something, while I convinced the rest of the family to sit down and eat our lunch alone. We had some music on and it was so obvious how Gal took the chance to scream a bit extra in between the songs, just so we would hear it. However, we were all patient. After we finished the food we were sitting in the living room, talking and laughing for a while, when suddenly Gal came out from his room, as if nothing had happened, and went straight up to hug his father. Later in the afternoon, when their mother picked them up to be with her, Gal hugged his father again and told him how much he loves him and that he had had the most wonderful day. I think that both father and son felt proud and empowered at that moment.